Will of the Heart
by Rukia-Chappi-Chan
Summary: She knew she was dying. She barely had any strength left. But she had to leave her heart with him. She was taught that, and she wasn't about to let that go.


The rain drowned out every sound to her ears except the sound of her heart, slowly beating at an irregular pace. Her sword supported her as a walking stick as she hobbled and partially crawled to her destination. The dull blade clattered against the asphalt as she tried to use the remaining strength in her legs. The rain soaked her to the bone, leaving no skin untouched or dry.

She clutched her heart in a tight grasp. Or at least where it would be. She just needed help. And she would be fine.

Bullshit.

She was going to die, right on the spot if she didn't get a move on yet. She started coughing vigorously until all that she vomited up was blood. A large pool of blood drafted around her feet. The blood started to wash away and float around her surroundings and into the drain. The rain would not stop. Not even slightly. It put waterfalls to shame, gave typhoon a new definition.

Her insides felt like they were ripped inside out. Her head had no time to think. Her heart was starting to stop. The rain wouldn't let up.

She was dying. And she knew it. But she didn't give up.

I… have to… give my heart… to him…

_I must._

That's what fueled her. That was all that was left of her. Determination and hope. Determined, to give her heart to her comrade, so she could live on in his heart and mind, and Hope to reach the place before dropping dead on the ground. Her right leg was bent in a way legs should never be broken, blood trails left by it. Her arms and hands had many blisters busted and bleeding several times over and over.

_**Heart isn't something inside you.**_

She gasped for more air, fighting the bile of blood rising up her throat. She needed to get to him. She was afraid.

Sure, everyone had emotions, feelings. But such nobility were not meant to bore those feelings. Friendship. Love. Happiness. Who needed them?

Occasionally, she felt those emotions. One by one. Happiness.

Inoue Orihime, and Arisawa Tatsuki. They were the first girls to open up to her. They made her laugh and giggle, and she almost forgot about her double life as a Shinigami in an artificial body. She almost forgot, and felt happiness.

Kurosaki Ichigo, Abarai Renji, Shiba Kaien. They taught her friendship was important. Support and help was needed in her life, no matter how much she denied it. She knew it was so. Though she tried so hard to abide by the rules of her cold family, she found that she couldn't live without friendship.

Love. When was it? When did she fall head over heels for one boy? How did it happen? She didn't know. But before she knew it, she was attached to him. Stubborn-headed Kurosaki Ichigo. She felt herself long for his presence when he was absent. Her eyes lingered on his tall and well-built figure, drinking in each and every detail before she had to leave. She fell in Love and she had no idea until she was about to die.

And yet, she did nothing. She was saved. No longer did she have to be executed. But even so, she said nothing. She remained silent like a shadow, afraid like a mouse. She had no courage to tell him. No. How could she?

As her feet were starting to scrape against the concrete, she felt them start to bleed too. It was bad enough, but now each and every little sting of pain was pulsing and spreading. Her whole body was sore and losing blood. Fast. She needed to make it.

_**Every time you and I connect with each other, A little bit of heart is born between us.**_

Her mind's empty space was filled with the calm and pleasant voice of her first mentor who treated her kindly. Kaien-dono. She loved him first. But he was married. And she would do no such thing as to steal him away from his wife. No, that would be crime. But that crime couldn't possibly be as bad as the crime she had committed afterwards. He died by her own hands.

_**Heart isn't something inside you. But whenever you think, whenever you remember someone, that's when heart is born.**_

But she still regretted it, decades later. It was eating her insides now that she knew her fate was determined. That was it. No miracles this time. No Ichigo to save her from the brink of death. There wasn't even a possibility for Orihime to heal her, no matter how great her powers in regenerating were. Even if she had the powers that defied Heaven itself, nothing could stop death, or bring them back to life.

_**One last thing Kuchiki.**_

Her eyes opened weakly as she lay on her sword heavily.

_**Whenever you fight from this point on. There is one thing you must never do. **_

She tried her best to stand up.

And she fell. The water around her splashed and swirled as the blood mixed in with it. Her body lay there, limp and unwilling to move. Her eyes were losing its light and life, as it became a dull purple, no longer the shining bright amethyst. Her black hair became flattened and stray bangs of hair scattered here and there over her face. Her hakama and gi were torn apart, and covered in blood.

As she lay there dying, she started regretting many things. _I never told him… _she thought sadly. Though you couldn't tell, a lone tear rolled down the side of her face as she lay on her side.

I never did get to tell him. I was such a coward.

_**And that is… To die alone.**_

She struggled to get up. Her arms severely shaking and injured, and possibly strained, were in no condition to hold her weight, no matter how light she was. She tried again and again, but her hands just slipped. They slipped, slit open, bled freely, but she still had that small glimmer of hope. Determination had left. She was left there to live on hope alone_. __If I hadn't been born… Would I feel this pain…? I wish… I had at least another chance to live properly… _If she knew how she was going to die and when, how she would have loved to change everything. Confess her feelings. Live life to the fullest extent. Play around like a child with friends unlike her restless childhood in Rukongai.

_**Our bodies are composed entirely from spirit. If we die, our bodies will disintegrate…And become part of the reishi that inhabit Soul Society. And when that time comes, where will your heart go?**_

She finally got back on her knees and palms, and started to crawl back to her sword. Just mere metres away from where it scattered, her hands tried desperately to grasp what seemed to be close. Her hands shook in a cold and dying frenzy. But she couldn't give up. She wouldn't.

_**Your heart will be passed onto your nakama. **_

She had to pass her heart on. That was what she learnt. Those words from her mentor and first love rang inside her head, encouraging her to move forward. Her hand grasped the hilt of her dying sword and she spent many minutes lifting her head up.

She could tell where she was. She only had a little bit more to go. A 30 second walk for someone who wasn't dying and bleeding to death. And a whole month's journey for the girl crawling in her own blood. She struggled to put one hand in front, and bring one knee up. Hand, knee, hand, knee, hand, knee, hand, hand, slip.

She screamed a sharp pitch, as her head bashed into the side path's crooked pavement squares. Her vision was blurry. She could only smell, taste, see, hear and feel blood. The smell of blood clotting her nose. The taste of blood remaining in her mouth. The blood that dripped into her eyesight from her bashed open head. The sound of her blood dripping and sloshing to the ground. And the feeling of death looming above her painfully. She could only use those last minutes of living to feel 'alive'.

But she couldn't stop. Not now. Though she was close to death, she was also close to her home too. _Home. _Where was her home?

_**If you can pass it on to your nakama, then your heart…will always live on with them. **_

Her tears of anguish and pain had turned her numb. But finally, after minutes that felt like years of suffering, she reached the Kurosaki residence's street. Her tears became tears of joy.

Finally, I can leave my heart here… with the one I love…

She tried her best to crawl over to the door and remembered with frustration.

The gate was locked. She could feel her life leaving her.

_**Kuchiki, that's why… you must never, ever, ever… Die Alone. **_

_I can make it… _she thought warily as she blindly tried to grasp the gate's lock. How she unlocked it, she had no idea. She started to drag her body and sword with one arm and continue forth, but fate was not on her side.

The gate closed shut with a loud clang, locking itself once again. She slammed the ground beneath her, letting the water and blood splash into the air for a second. Then, her eyes looked hopeful as she heard voices.

"Karin-chan, did you hear something?" That was Yuzu.

"What? What are you talking about?" That was Karin. She smiled. They could hear her. Now, if only she could use her voice.

She tried her best. She really did. But no sound came out. Her voice was gone. Tears of pain started to return as she was just on the brink of death.

"I think you were just imagining it." Her heart shattered. That was Ichigo. They weren't going to check the sound out. She rested her head against the concrete and started to cry. Alone. She started to give up. She wanted to. Badly. There was no point to her living.

_**Got it, Kuchiki? **_

_**I can leave my heart here.**_

Her eyes opened once again reluctantly. _Even if __**I **__don't deserve to live… Kaien-dono passed his heart onto me. I have to die, so I can pass both hearts… to Ichigo…_

She started to reach for the lock once more with pain evident in every aspect of her body. The rain still hadn't let up. She lost much more than ¾ of her blood. Her hand slipped, and an open wound on her finger had been cut more deeply so, the edge of the gate sharp.

She let out a sharp scream of pain. Well, she tried to. The pain was too much. She couldn't stand it. But no sound came out. Only more blood.

But it was finally her time to have fate shine a tiny stream of light her way. The gate started to open. She smiled with pain and blood in her eyes, and started to drag her body forward. Her vision started to upturn itself. She squinted and opened them again, but no such luck. She could barely see. She tried her best to crawl forward and in a straight direction slowly and less painfully, but the rocks and such entered her fingers and what was left of her blood stream.

_Shinigami give their own lives to protect those humans in danger of hollows. _

She wished she had never become a Shinigami in that moment. Those Hollows, those sinners with the intent to kill and eat your soul, why? That one question wandered around in her now empty head. Why did they want to do such a thing? Couldn't they just order McDonalds? Why couldn't they make the Shinigami's life easier? Why couldn't they have just spared the life of this one woman that lay on the concrete in front of the Kurosaki clinics house? Why didn't she have the courage to tell him her feelings? Why, why, why?!

Tears poured down at the same speed and amount as the rain as she crawled closer and closer to the door. Fate was on her side one last time. Ichigo was just wandering past his living room window until he saw a bloody mass of black tangled up on his front lawn. Then, a hand emerged from the blood, revealing more blood and pain. Ichigo sprinted to the front door and slammed it open, making the hinges slightly break.

"RUKIA!!" he screamed. Said woman just lay on the pavement, smiling with her teeth slightly showing.

_I made it. _

Ichigo picked her up gently and carried her bridal style in his arms, still kneeling on the concrete. His sisters and father appeared at the doorway, gasping at the scene. Isshin covered both his daughter's eyes. They both instantly cried at the sight. Their 'older sister' at their doorstep, ripped open at the stomach, half her spine practically showing through the blood, her leg broken and bent in an inhumane way, blood pouring from her body and head.

It was gruesome.

But that didn't stop 17-year-old Kurosaki Ichigo to hold her in his arms. She looked up at him and kept smiling. She opened her mouth to say something. But no sound came out. She tried to mouth the words. She had no strength to. Her smile was still there, but slowly becoming a smile of desperate measures. Ichigo held her with one arm and caressed her face with his free hand. He caressed it hurriedly, as if scanning her face with any signs of warmth or colour in them. He ran his hand through her hair, only to take it out with blood dripping like water in a cup from his hands.

He leaned down and put his face close to hers.

"Rukia!"

_I made it. _

"Rukia, come on, you can't die on me!"

_I'm so glad…_

"Rukia, say something, anything! Hit me! Slap me! Kick me, something PLEASE! I DON'T CARE JUST HURT ME IF YOU HAVE TO!"

_I'm so happy… _

"RUKIA, RUKIA PLEASE!!" Ichigo screamed. He leaned down and kissed her, gently but firmly. Ichigo nearly flinched. Her lips were as cold as ice. To be honest, it was burning him. But he still remained as long as he could, kissing her. The metallic taste of blood entered his mouth. When he pulled away, Rukia had a bright smile on her face.

_I love you._

And then, she breathed no more.


End file.
